Only checking for a ring, who cares what her background is as long as she's single she's a match. What have I become. Dignity used to mater to me. I used to care who she was, what she believed, what she did for work etc. What has changed? How have I changed? Who am I really? I used to know. Values used to mater to me. I could resit scripture, and quotes of authors and poets and notable figures. I cared about my appearance. What I looked like. what I wore. I found the time to care about the small things and the big things. Now what am I. Aside from work I never leave the house, the occasional trip to the store maybe, the weekly trash run. What kind of life is this? Why do I feel perfectly content with sitting at home hour after countless hour playing video games, watching movie after movie. But wait.... at the same time the only thing I want to do is leave, get out, see the world. Not only do I feel sorry for myself, I loath who I've become. I once took notice of a large bowl of fruit and thought to myself, at least I'm not at the bottom of the barrel... at least I'm more important than this bowl of fruit. I was wrong. This bowl of fruit... this seemingly insignificant, pathetic, worthless bowl of fruit was better than I. All my life I was taught that everyone in this world has a purpose... and we do. "What is that purpose"? One of the greatest mysteries of life is what it is. Never in my life have I met or known anyone or anything who found or lived up to their purpose in life. until I met that wonderful little bowl of fruit. The bowl maybe ugly and the fruit plastic but that little object that hides so perfectly in plain sight has found and lived up to its purpose. While some may say it just sits there doing nothing, or others may say its ugly or has no place to be there... that bowl is doing exactly as it should and is in the exact place it needs to be. For it is a bowl of fruit and to do or be anything else would be... unnatural. You may not believe it but that little bowl of fruit inspired me that day. The funny thing is that no matter how hard I (or anyone else for that matter) tries, I can never become what that little bowl of fruit has become. I can never fulfill my purpose as that bowl of fruit has done. I envy that fruit bowl. I can only hope to become more like it. Day after day, month after month, year after endless year. On the coffee table... long table on the hallway... end table... storage. even after all its done, the time of the fruit bowl will always come to and end. And even after everything, that little bowl of plastic fruit fulfills its purpose, and lives up to all expectations. If only I were as good as that bowl of fruit... Maybe then I could finally be happy. Maybe then I could again start living my life. I miss it.

Who Am I To Judge?

Sarchasm is a great way to get ones point across. For example, if I were to say that "Obama is a great man", you would obviously know the falsehood of the statement. Course the funny thing about this is when someone believes me and actually agrees with me. Then I get to laugh in there face for being so stupid and closed minded and naive for thinking that Obama is not a worthless pile of shit. I'm not trying to be rude to the guy, he just makes it so easy. No one really has to try. But Obama is not the only one to blame for the terrible decision he has made, the blame also lies with the stupid gutless morons who voted him in. While he may (by which I mean meant to) have deceived the American public with all the lies, it was the American people who heard all the crap coming out of his putrid mouth, sat on their lazy asses and listened to him bad mouth and blame everything on the current president. Bush may not have been perfect but at least he had the brains to realize when common sense should take the place of agenda. We saw everything that happened in that election as we did when Kerry ran against Bush for his second term. Kerry's only tactic was to fake fun of Bush. While Bush may not have been in debate with Obama, he did not spare the insults in blaming him. So why did Obama get elected and Kerry didn't? Well if you don't know the answer then your either blind and deaf or brain dead. Most races other than white voted for Obama because they thought that change would come with someone who wasn't white and those who were white that voted for Obama did so because they felt "racist" if they didn't, or because they wanted to be "politically correct". On the news, interview after interview of Obama suporters thinking that he will "pay for my mortgage" and "make sure there is gas in my car". Obama saw that an advantage of being black in the race and did everything he could to cater to the lower and middle class just for there votes. Again, not trying to be rude, but the lower class are the worst people to have vote. They are mostly uneducated and are living paycheck to paycheck and barely making their payments. So when someone comes along that "knows where they're coming from", or "knows what its like" they completely ignore the fact that he is completely wrong for the position and that there are 3 to 5 more in the same race that are much more qualified. Its just sad that people are so stupid that now a person of my same color is president, he will pay my bills. There is just no logic in that process of thought. Obama saw these people and used them in getting what he wanted. Am I waying that a certain race is more stupid than another... absolutely not. There are many "races" that compromise the "uneducated" and "lower class". Including "white".

Step Back And Take A Look

I'm still new to this thing called politics, so its understandable that when I was first introduced to the world of "filibusters" I thought my chain was being pulled. "there is no way that this is an actual factual item in politics"? "does everyone have this joke pulled on them"? the questions continued. With a little research the answer was clear... no this is not a joke... my chain was not being pulled... and yes our current policies allow a grown man or woman, stand up in front of congress and the rest of the nation and talk for as long as they wish, not just a minute or two extra... but for AS LONG AS THEY WISH. For what purpose would we allow this to happen? Don't get me wrong, I understand the ultimate reason behind a Filibuster but what this really feels like, is grown men and women who are so caught up in wanting to get "their way" that they have become so desperate and resort to childish antics and foolish games. They may not stomp there feet, but they will whine and cry and bitch and moan as much as they have too just to get their way. The whole purpose of a filibuster is to "delay" or completely "stop" a vote by Congress and or any other decision making body. My rant on a filibuster in not only to point out how silly our congress act at times but to point out a need for change.

The Slow Decay

I've never been the biggest sports fan, but something about the World Cup that makes you want it just a little. I think it has to do with the fact that your not the only one watching it.... it is viewed around the world by the world. It has more people interested in watching it than the war in Iraq. With this new found excitement I decide to go to a local soccer game here in Slat Lake City. Meant to be a grueling match between the Salt Lake Real and the New England Revolution. Never having been to a game of the Real or any soccer game for that matter, I was somewhat excited and taken in by the spirit of the event. Walking up the hill from the parking area, the stadium lights in the distance the excitement grew. I got in line to buy a ticket that I was told was $15 dollar but the man tried to charge me $20. When asked, he replied that the price went up $5 because it was the weekend of the fourth of July. Not letting this get me down, I followed through with my purchase looking forward to watch the game with a few friends. I went to stand in line and looked at my ticket and what I thought was the receipt, turned out to be two tickets. I went back to the ticket line and talked to the customer service window and was told that the tickets could not be "refunded, exchanged or transferred". I've been trying very hard to not let anything get me down but this one kind of hurt. I argued with the customer service man for about 12 minutes and finally said enough and went inside to meet my friends. When inside the game started and excitement filled the stadium. I started feeling better about all that had happend until the soccer game I thought I would be watching took a nasty left turn for me. I know I probably shouldn't be comparing World Cup with a local soccer match, but I started seeing things that never happened in World Cup. I would see four or five players fighting for the ball without moving more than six inches until the ball would be kicked out of bounds. This happened constantly. I would also see players chase the ball and hang on to it without passing and eventually loose the ball to the other team. But the most amazing thing I saw was one team scoring more than one or two goals. The game ended 5-0. Again I shouldn't be comparing local and World Cup. When the game drew closer to half time I was about to leave. I couldn't take anymore but thought I would stick around for the half time show. I have always thought of myself as a person of values and respect. but for some reason that night was filled Valueless, Disrespectful disappointment. During the half time show a woman comes out on the field with a microphone and talks about the fourth of July and says "and to celebrate our independence, we have sixty mini soccer balls that" we are going to through into the crowd. I'm not an expert or anything... but I'm pretty sure the founding fathers of our country would rather be spit in the face than to have people think that sixty mini soccer balls is the proper way to celebrate. Coupled with the the extra five dollars per ticket, the ridiculously high prices for food and water and the stands, the fine people at the Rio Tinto stadium has showed us that our country's independence is best celebrated by realizing a profitable marketing tactic. To see a day that families will most likely get together and want to enjoy an activity such as this and mark up prices and tell people that this is a celebration of our country's independence. Its a mockery. Over the past decade or two the values, views and opinions in this country have slowly decayed into what we have now, a market that is literally on the edge of financial collapse, a President that has helped to put us in this position and makes the types of decisions that only reckless and careless could describe and having no worries what type of effect those decisions will have on the very people who elected him into office. I get told all the time not to worry about things like this - that "its only this one thing"or "its not that big of deal". But when I spend money $5 or $10 at a time, these purchases aren't that big.... until I have twenty or thirty of them... now I'm up to two or three hundred dollars, all because I told myself "oh, its only $10, that's not bad". We as a people in this country need to realize those things however small and conscientiously choose not to let it slide. When we celebrate the day our country fought and died for and won its independence, it was a thing big enough to earn a place in history that we should not just passively try, but actively try to remember and honor and not mock.

The darkness

Everyone has darkness in them. Those things deep down inside that we fear, that we can't control. It seems the more you try to suppress or control of them, the the more they seem to show themselves. Medication after medication... therapy after therapy... counselor after counselor. Nothing seems to work. On good days you may feel unstoppable when only minutes later the darkness creeps in and of all the things you could have done that day the thought of bashing your own head through your bedroom wall seems the better option. I've never felt out of control. I've never questioned my existence. I love life. I love how I feel when I wake up and know of all the things I have to look forward to that day. But then the darkness slowly creeps in and destroys all that which is good and has the potential of making me happy. The darkness doesn't care who you are, what you've done in your life, or who you know. It come when it wants, where it wants. At home at work, on a date. Many people when they hear something like this, they automatically think of depression, anxiety, schizophrenia or any other type of psychological disorder. Everyone has a darkness. Something inside them that just isn't themselves. For some, its such an unknown thing that it scares them, makes them feel out of control. For others its something they get use to and others it is a welcome guest that they need in order to live their life the way they

What are we doing???

Much like the bulk of the "American People" I have not seen war or even come close to seeing what they see... instead I watch my favorite TV shows and during advertisements change the channel and run past the news to catch the bits and pieces (that are usually taken out of context) and then proceed to form an opinion based on those incomplete facts. All my views and opinions about war changed when someone I grew up with went to his first tour in Afghanistan and would later serve for a second in Iraq. My opinions changed even further just a few days ago as I watched a National Geographic Channel production "Inside the Green Berets". Even though I have had many talks with my friend and gained a respect for things he went through, I got a feel for what those men and women actually go through as I watched that moving documentary. For one full hour I sat watching intently about men and women who volunteer their time, service and some times lives. After watching this and listening to the many stories told by my friends about whats going on "over there" I have to say it sickens me to think that while these selfless people ship off to an unknown location to carry out orders given by a Nation they love and Ideals that they believe in -even enough to go to war- we sit back and whine about our troops being at war and how it is "senseless" and that "we need to bring our troops home". All the while the men and women of the armed forces who are in the fight actually see the need for why they are over there. When we stop supporting our troops we are making a mockery of what they are so valiantly fighting for. Let us not make the mistake of thinking they are fighting for political power, oil, or economic stimulation. Regardless of what political misadventure got them over there, the troops are now fighting for what they see -innocent civilians in uncivil conditions being mistreated and harassed by radical groups who have no regard for their well-being.

Immigration

For years this problem has plagued our country being the center of so much controversy. "They're taking our jobs, they're the reason our economy is the way it is"... the list goes on. The problem I see is that no matter who you are or what you do in this country... you know that something has to be done, but no one seems to put forth the effort to do something about this. The biggest problem with our current state in this country is that everyone wants to be "politically correct" and feels that since they are in the "eye of the public" they can't do what really needs to be done. I commend Arizona law makers and thank them for doing not only what they felt was right and correct for their state, but for seeing this issue reek so much havoc on their state, the Country, the economy etc. and choosing to do the right thing by taking affirmative action. I hope the "American people" take this as a big kick in the face when they see the man they voted into office breaking yet another promise when he said in his campaign that he will do something about the problem of immigration, only to have the man he was running against, making promises of his own about immigration, take action and putting his plan in place. While Arizona will get a lot of flak from passing this law, I see them as the forerunners in "making the right choice" in a government who seems to have lost the ability to do so a long time ago.

Cancun vs Hawaii

Really, there is no match here. Its like comparing sweet, ripe, tasty pineapple to... crap. Lets take a look at what they both have and what they don't' have. They both have sand, ocean, humidity, and blue sky. But there they differ, in my opinion, is feeling... spirit... soul. Of the times I have been to Cancun I have noticed a few similarity among the people who tend to make Cancun their preferred vacation spot over a place like, say... Hawaii. They seem the type to have no problem what so ever with alcohol, smoking or public indecency. All three of which you will see on a regular basis. They are generally older and/or honeymooning couples who want that picturesque, completely cliched "romantic" vacation or "partiers", young college students and the more likely middle age loosers who have nothing better to do than "go to Mexico" to get completely "bombed" with the intent of hooking up with some "sweet little tart". Now I may sound a little negative toward Cancun but that's only because I have nothing good to say about it. For those who know me, know that my being part of the LDS faith has no influence on my opinion.
I think it is deceiving and dishonest to advertise Cancun as the "wonderful tropical beach location" that it is portrayed as. Of course then again, a "desert lined with hotels, buildings and concrete as far as the eye can see lined with a man made beach" wouldn't necessarily be what people want to hear to get them excited to go to Cancun.
So "what is my opinion regarding Hawaii" you ask? Well... I'm glad you ask me such a question. I have been to Cancun twice and to Hawaii countless. I lost track after the third or fourth time when getting myself to Hawaii went from "I need a vacation" to "dropping $500 on a ticket is more important than paying my rent".
Many people have told me their stories of going to Hawaii. Staying in a nice hotel, doing all the "tourist" activities of para sailing, zip lining, and spending the rest of their time lounging on what they call the "beaches" of Waikiki. If your on Oahu, for me, its all about the "North shore". The first time I went to Hawaii I rented a car and got a hotel just up the road from downtown Honolulu. As much fun as it was, I only slept in my hotel room two of the seven nights that I had it for and my trip really didn't start till I left the big city and found what I had always been looking for. The bulk of my time was spent with friends and locals on the beaches from Laie to Haleiwa to the north side of Kaena state park. Now, when I go to Hawaii I get off the plane walk outside hop on the pearl shuttle and don't get off till I'm on north shore and know that special spot when I see it. Probably the biggest difference I see between Hawaii and Cancun is the ability to explore. When your in Hawaii there is an innate insatiable desire to get out and explore, find something new and stay there as long as you can.